You don't pay $8 or more to hear these people act like they're watching a movie at home.

I'm not an expert on movies by far, but I've loved them since I was a kid. One of the best things about movies is the experience of watching them on a big screen in a theater. It's cool, dark, and not your home, which allows you to feel like you're escaping your life and going on the journey the filmmakers and actors want to take you on. A movie theater is a special place precisely because it isn't your home or someone else's. It's a public place that allows people of all backgrounds to come together and share a common experience.

I take my theater - going seriously and have shown up hours before a movie I really wanted to see so I could get a good seat. The best seat for me is one that's all the way at the top of the auditorium. That's the best spot because it allows me to be completely or less unbothered by the kind of people who don't respect me, other people, or the theater experience. People like:

  • Getty Images
    Getty Images

    The Loud Eater

    There's no way around making some noise while eating in a theater, like the crackle of that cellophane around a box of Goobers. I don't mind that as much as the person who eats loudly, whether crunching nachos or popcorn with their mouths open or rattling their candy boxes. I wonder sometimes if some of these people spend much time in public and/or if they raised in a barn. I was raised near a barn and know better than to act like this.

  • Bettmann Archive/Getty Images
    Bettmann Archive/Getty Images

    The Loud Talker

    In my many years of theater - going, I've run into many variations of these kinds of people. Some talk loudly to the person or people they're with as if they own the theater and no one else is there, others YELL over the sound of the movie to explain something to someone else or ask a question.

    I'll be honest: this is the worst kind of offense as far as I'm concerned. I've left the auditorium to notify management of people who were disrupting the movie. I didn't pay $8 or God knows how much more money to hear idiots and people with no social skills talk to each other. I'm pretty sure there's a special level of Hell reserved for these morons.

  • Carl Court, Getty Images
    Carl Court, Getty Images

    The Cell Phone Addict

    It would be easy to assume this offender is always a child or a teen or a twenty - something, but I've seen many older people using their phones during the movie. I'm not talking discreetly taking out the phone to check the time, I'm talking whipping the thing out and texting, checking Facebook, or visiting websites. If I have to tell you why this is rude and stupid, you might have an addiction and need to seek help.

    I've even seen (and heard) people ANSWER THEIR PHONES DURING THE MOVIE. These people should be permanently banned from all theaters and just to be safe, all public places where mannered and respectable people are trying to live life.

  • Getty Images/iStockphoto
    Getty Images/iStockphoto

    The Cheapskate

    Sure, we've all sneaked in that $1 candy from Walgreen's or maybe leftover Halloween or Easter candy into the movies to save a few bucks. That's a far cry from bringing in Tupperware with leftovers and cans of soda or even fast food. I've witnessed both.

    Not long after the shooting at the Grand 16, I witnessed a man enter the auditorium with a plastic bag. I was worried about what could be in there until I saw him pull out a take out box and a fork and knife. He proceeded to (loudly) eat a (smelly) meal during the movie. He left the empty take - out box on the floor (real classy) and I learned it was from Panda Express. If you didn't have time to eat a meal before the movie, just go to a later showing.

    I've also seen a family of four unpack various containers, cans and bottles of soft drinks, blankets, and pillows. PILLOWS. If you can't stand to sit in a chair for two hours, you probably should stick to Redbox, Netflix, and cable.

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