They Tell Me You Care About My Life, Do You?
I'm not the manliest of men, but I've been through enough to sink a battleship and I have the scars and wrinkles to prove it. They tell me you care about me and you're interested in what I think and feel. Do you really?
You hear the guy on the radio and probably think "I bet he's fun". "He would be a hoot to go out with". "Great life". "Just listen to all the stories, boy he's done some stuff".
The fact of the matter is, I put on my pants just like everybody else. Pick my nose in the car and look around to see if anyone saw me. And I get sad.
Today I'm in my favorite chair, not a light on in the house, it's raining, I'm alone, soft spa-like music playing and I just had a good cry. Sound like the guy on the radio?
I just got through browsing my friends on Facebook. Just looking at the people who have befriended me the electronic way, which I've never done. I have 5000 friends (the limit) and several thousand "following" me. What does that mean? Am I popular? Do people care? Do they know me or even like me for that matter?
I spent about 20 minutes just scrolling. Looking at faces. And I have to tell you, I didn't just know most, I had a memory attached to almost every person. I saw one of my best friends from elementary and high school Enos Fangue. We roomed together at USL. I noticed that one of the most amazing individuals you'll ever meet, Shelley Kilburn, is having a birthday today. I dropped her a line. A beautiful song from Jim Brickman just came on the radio, so I texted him. That made me remember Joseph La Corte who works with some of the biggest names in show business, so I texted him as well. I saw Charlene Howard's picture. She has a singing voice that is not of this world. I remember her hugging me when I was losing it at Bob Pastor's wake. Oh how I miss you Bob. So many of us do. And Marilyn Guidry, you were there too. Without you, I would be missing a piece of life's puzzle.
These days I feel old. Really old. My body is problematic. My eyesight not what it used to be. I work without much play. Today, when you see me in a "staged" situation, I put on the show and then head home. I recently heard Jerry Seinfeld say, that in real-life he feels awkward. He feels more natural on stage. I may have a bit of that disease.
My friends have stopped calling for me to do things. God bless them for trying. They called and called and called trying to get me out of the house after my daughter was diagnosed with cancer, but I just didn't/don't have it in me. Not even now.
I've done a lot. There's not much left on my bucket list. Is that what happens when your body outlives your life?
I'm happiest at home. Especially when the kids are over. We try to do family night once a week and take at least one family vacation a year. I live for those times. Those kids are my world.
I still love to be on the radio. See, I've never thought of having any other job. Thank God Bobby Richard hired me at KQKI in Bayou Vista, La. back in the early 80s. Yet another guy I just saw on Facebook.
Back to Facebook, while scrolling a little while ago, I saw a picture of my best friend Rob Judice whom I hardly see these days. About a month ago he said to me, "We don't have to see each other in person, our hearts are attached". He's the brother I never had.
I was also just thinking of one of my bosses at work, Bruce Mikells who is our Operations Manager. He is THE guy who keeps me sane at work and many times in my personal life as well. The other day, I was having a really bad morning and he just looked at me and said, "But it ain't cancer". And with those words, everything was okay.
My staff at KTDY, Deb, JayCee, Steve, Chris and Scott have never uttered the word 'no' to me. Especially JayCee. I call him all hours of the night, and every time he answers the phone, "What ya need baw", just one reason they are all family to me.
Do you care about me? I feel that you do. After all, you've read this far. I care for you too. I'm slower, more wrinkled with lots of broken pieces, but one thing remains intact and stronger than ever, that's the love in my heart for family, friends and people. Even those I've never met. For some reason, I feel and know you're there with me. On this journey that is at best half over. And for that, I'm grateful.
Thank you for giving me this moment with you. Big love.
cj
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