All parents think their kids are smart and hilarious and amazing, but ask them to be honest about how they feel when it comes to Other People's Children, and you better grab a snack and a blanket, because you're going to be there awhile.

The truth is, all kids are amazing. Sure, some are more of a handful than others, but I defy you to find a single child that hasn't ever made their parent or guardian double over with laughter at one point or another. Kids are hysterical.

Last week, I posted this quick two-paragraph story my kid had to write for school, and the internet seemed to like it - which isn't too surprising, considering scientists have used science to scientifically prove that my kid is objectively the best child ever. On the planet. (That's an actual fact, too. No need to look it up. Just trust me.)

With that in mind, I thought I'd share some of the random things he's said over the years, because they're funny and sometimes brilliant. As I mentioned the other day, he might only be ten right now, but my kid has pretty much been a 40-year-old man his entire life.


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