Okay, let's get the jokes out of the way right off the bat. I'm going to bowl you over with some facts, no ifs, ands, but maybe some butts. I'm not trying to be cheeky here, I just want to dethrone some myths about Ye Olde #2. At least hear me out before you poo poo my ideas and let the door hit you where the good Lord split you.

Years ago, I had surgery due to a diet that didn't include enough fiber. Long story short, this surgery and the fantastic care I received from my physician taught me that that we Americans are 'doing our business' wrong in a few ways. Here they are.

  • 1

    Squat Vs. Sit

    If you've ever observed the behavior of some animals, you'll notice that they don't sit down when relieve themselves.

    What's good for them is also good for us, as it turns out our natural pooping position is also squatting. This is the position also used in other parts of the world, including Asia and parts of Europe.

    Why we have 'thrones' here in the US has to do with ideas of making a bodily function more 'civilized.' The byproduct of that civilizing is that our colon does not straighten like it does during squatting, requiring more bearing down and pressure. This can lead to hemorrhoids and severe discomfort.

    There are devices like the Squatty Potty that are designed to aid in squatting, but there are studies that show the best alternative would be a squat closet like those used in other countries. Short of redoing your bathroom, it's probably best to go with a stool like the Squatty Potty to improve elimination.

    Squatty Potty via YouTube
  • 2

    Kramer's Dilemma

    If you've ever seen the classic Seinfeld episode 'The Pilot,' you'll remember this scene well: Kramer is interviewing to play himself in Jerry and George's sitcom, gets hit with a case of the 'gotta gos,' but can't find a restroom. He ends up 'missing his chance' as he calls it, and has to resort to a 'wet and wild' solution.

    We've all probably dealt with constipation at some point in our lives, and it has a number of causes. Poor diet, lack of exercise, and long periods of sitting are all contributors to this embarrassing but serious issue.

    Squatting can help with full and successful elimination, but so too can a change in diet. Eating more roughage, or fibrous foods like leafy green veggies, beans, and nuts can help. Drinking enough water is also a very important part of good gastrointestinal health. Drinking coffee is also helpful, due to the heat of the liquid and chemicals within the coffee itself.

  • 3

    That 'Not So Fresh Feeling'

    Remember this old commercial? It doesn't just apply to women. How clean can you really be after attacking those Klingons around Uranus with paper? Not to mention that paper (even wet wipes) creates friction, which leads to hemorrhoids.

    Over 10 million Americans suffers from hemorrhoids, which is caused by a number of factors, especially poor diet, being overweight, stress, and also the friction caused by wiping with paper.

    That's where the bidet comes in. Our European pals don't suffer from hemorrhoids like we do because they only use paper to pat dry after a nice rinse. There are plenty of affordable, easily - installed bidets out there. Here's just a few of the best - rated.

    MCT via Getty Images