Last night,  after my run, I fried some tomatoes.  Home-grown tomatoes (that's what the sign at Guidry's Produce said!).  They came out good!

Anyway, after I finished eating, I loaded the dog's food bowls into the dishwasher (which I try to do each week).   I went out to the back deck to get their water bowl, and on the way back, my foot started to get really hot, like I had stepped on a hot coal!  I lifted my foot, and, sure enough, there was a wasp with a heavy-duty DeWalt drill with a 3/4" spade bit, drilling into the baby-butt-soft-like underside of my foot, right dead center of the arch.

I was on the phone with Shannon, telling her how good the fried tomatoes were, when I started making noises.  Noises she had not heard before, and had trouble identifying.  Her interpretation of said noises brought her to this conclusion: she thought I had fallen off of the roof, landed on my skateboard, rolled through a car wash and ended up under an elephant wearing a hockey mask (she has a very vivid imagination).

As the pain made it's way to Kaplan (I was in Youngsville), I hobbled over to the computer and typed in "Wasp Sting Home Remedies".

Aren't computers and the internet thingy amazing?  A scant 10 years ago, I would have been on the phone - "Mom, I got stung by a wasp....  what to do??"

The web sites that came up were filled with home remedies; some natural, some store-bought.  The quickest/easiest that caught my eye was the lemon juice remedy, so I tried it.  The sharp pain eased within seconds, but a slow, steady throbbing still exists (I was stung about 15 minutes before I sat to write this).

The first website that I clicked on was Tipnut.  This site broke down the remedies into three categories:  Kitchen, Garden, and "More Remedies".  Tipnut wasn't the only site that was produced from the Google search; there were over 14,000 results.

Not wanting to stand yet, I went ahead and searched for the identity of the precise insect that landed me under the elephant:  it was the Paper Wasp. According to Wikipedia, the Paper Wasp only attacks when it's nest is threatened, or when it feels the baby-butt-soft-like underside of my foot, right dead center of the arch.

Wikipedia has a few different entries on wasps and the like, but this is the one that most closely describes what ate half of my foot. This is a picture of the European Paper Wasp, which is much like the North American Paper Wasp, just with a different accent.  And uglier shoes.

Anyhoot, I know that you want my fried tomato recipe, so here it is:

JayCee's Fried Tomato Recipe (which, even if prepared correctly, will not guarantee a wasp sting):

  • Ripe, home-grown tomato.  Or a green, store-bought one.  I don't care.  Sliced, as thick as you like your fried tomato.
  • 3/4 cup old-fashioned oats (yes, oatmeal), dry (I like the one with the pilgrim on it!)
  • 1 teaspoon garlic powder
  • 1 teaspoon fresh ground black pepper
  • 1/2 tablespoon dried basil
  • salt (I put the salt after they are cooked, to each his own taste)
  • 1 egg, beaten as though it had run against Edwin Edwards

Put the dry ingredients in a grinder/blender, and blend/grind until almost a powder.  Place into a shallow bowl.  Dip sliced tomato into egg, then dip into the powder, dip into egg again, then powder again, then fry it!  I use just a few tablespoons of peanut oil in a frying pan on medium/hi heat.  Fry until golden brown, flip, repeat.

After eating your fried tomatoes, DO NOT go out onto the back deck.  Bad things happen.  (You just pictured that elephant with the hockey mask again, didn't you?!?)

Just for good measure, in case you don't like my recipe, here's a picture of a cat wearing a helmet on