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I Love The Holidays! (One At A Time)

Satire (not really) from JayCee:

I really enjoy the holidays, especially when family members bring their kids over to cry and scream and kick people.  My favorite is when they pour themselves a beverage (all the Coke I can drink?  Really?) from the cost-saving-but-spill-prone-3-litre-bottle, and they spill it (which makes them cry), then they forget where they put the drink (which makes them cry), so the parent allows them to pour another one (and they spill while pouring, which makes them cry again) and then they spill that drink when they trip over the one that they lost in the first place.  That, my friends, is why I love the holidays so much.

Snowman
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Now, getting on to the point of this post:  I think that the retail world is taking the magic from the holidays; right before we hear the doorbell and the tell-tale “Trick-orTreat” of Halloween, stores already have their nutcrackers on display.  Really?  Before my stomachache is even settled from eating all of those horrible candy-corn treats?  Retail, slow your (turkey) roll!

Unpopular Santa
“MOM!! He ate my Halloween candy!!!” (Keystone/Getty Images)

Free enterprise is called ‘free’ because the retailers have no rules/laws as to when they can bombard us with the wares of the next season, which seems to creep up on us earlier and earlier each year.  Imagine this:  You are watching the latest James Bond movie, Skyfall, and, in the middle of the chase scene, when James Bond is deploying his smoke screen and oil slick with his machine guns and rocket-propelled grenades firing from the tail lights of his Delorean, the action stops, and the words “Skyfall Theme written and shamelessly performed by Adele (used with permission from BigMusicCompany.com, all rights reserved, available for download from gimmeyourmoney.com and on yourtunes), recorded in Don’t Ever Break Up With Me Or I’ll Expose You studios in London” scroll across the screen, and then the movie continues with him swimming to shore, dodging bullets.  Wait a minute, what happened to the rest of the chase scene??  How did he end up in the ocean??!?!  ARRRRGGGHHHH!!!         THAT’S how I feel when I see witches and goblins wearing Santa caps…

Child Santa Cry
No Daddy! Not before Thanksgiving! (China Photos/Getty Images)

CJ posted a story last week about some retailers moving their ‘Black Friday’ deals (the name ‘Black Friday” taken from the color of the hearts of many of the shoppers) to Thursday this year;  I hope I don’t have to remind you that the Thursday referred to here is also known as “Thanksgiving” (to those of us who like our holidays one at a time).   And, because America is the land of opportunity and cheap products from China, many people will take advantage of this early blackening of the hearts, as if they were raised by the parents of Honey Boo-Boo herself.

Holiday Shopping Season Gets Underway On "Black Friday"
Carolers waiting for the price of the joy and spirit of the Christmas season to drop 20-50%… (Carlo Allegri/Getty Images)

Not this guy.  I’m going to think back to the days of my innocence (there were at least 2) and relish in the time spent with my family, visiting with the out-of-towners that haven’t been seen since last Thanksgiving, visiting the old lady across the street that used to give me 10 dollars to cut her grass, and visiting my aunt in the hospital (she slipped on some Coke that was spilled by one of the whiny brats and broke her leg).

Ah, the joys of the holidays, one day at a time.

Happy shopping… er.. um… holidays…..

Merrymakers
Merry-Makers on Black Friday… (Tom Pennington/Getty Images)

 

(Via Facebook, Skyfall)

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